A Star to Light the Way
by librawriter
Summary: Two hearts, one mind. Will Spock and Nyota be able to move past their insecurities and into each other's arms? Fluff n' stuff. The smut comes later, as will the likely ratings change.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing associated with Star Trek. I'm just trying to have a little bit o' fun.

A/N: First Star Trek fic ever! Please be kind! I'm also looking for a beta, so if anyone would volunteer to help keep me from making ghastly errors, please send me a message. I'm new to this site and to the world of Star Trek and I'm still learning...but, I hope you guys get some enjoyment out of the first chapter. I give you...

A Star to Light the Way

Chapter 1

"Miss Uhura?"

She jumped at the sound of her name; she'd been so engrossed in the final translations of the old Romulan pamphlet in front of her that she'd completely tuned everything else out. She turned in her seat to find Professor Spock looking at her in his usual impassive manner. Had he been talking to her?

"Sorry, Professor, I didn't hear you," she said. She could feel herself blushing under his gaze, and hoped-- unreasonably-- that he wouldn't notice how flustered he made her.

It was unreasonable to hope such a thing. What Nyota didn't know at that time was that Spock missed little. He had noted, yet not understood, the deep red coloring that spread slowly over her smooth, copper colored cheeks.

"I said it is well past the time you are required to keep as my assistant. Do not feel the need to translate the Romulan document in its entirety," Spock repeated.

"Oh…well…actually, I was almost finished," Nyota said. Spock, his head tilted to the side, moved closer and looked down at her translations. He reached down and gently touched her pile of notes, lifting up some of the pages.

"Fascinating," he mused. "Your rate of translation is impressive, Miss Uhura."

He was standing just over her, and her heart caught in her throat as she looked up at him.

_Oh, my God, he is so handsome. He is so...perfect, he is so-- _

Nyota forced herselft to look away from him, stopping her inner thoughts. "Thank you," she said, standing up. Spock retreated a few steps as she did, a move she regretted. It thrilled her to have him so close. She sucked in her breath; it figured he wouldn't allow it, her being near him.

"I'm sorry for taking up so much of your time. I just find these readings so interesting. I'm learning a lot of new phrases. I wasn't paying attention to how late it is. You're probably so ready to go home."

_Shutup, for God's sake! Calm down, he's just your teacher. That's all he'll ever be! _She scolded herself.

"Do not apologize. It is not my intention to return to my quarters until I have graded the exams from my Conversational Vulcan classes. That will take at least two hours. I only meant to let you know it is not your duty to stay after my posted office hours. That "hour" ended fifty three minutes ago," Spock said.

"I don't mind staying with you." Spock frowned slightly, but said nothing, and Nyota realized that what she'd just said could have been interpreted as inappropriate. She shook her head, cursing herself silently, and tried to explain herself. "That came out all wrong...What I meant was, um, that I don't mind staying to _help_ you. Don't you need the translations done before your next Intro to Romulan Theories class?"

"Indeed, I do need them for my class tomorrow, but I am fully capable of finishing the translations myself, Miss Uhura."

"Yes, but you have all those exams to grade. And I don't mind. Really. I want to stay," she said. She smiled shyly, looking down at her hands. "I'm your assistant. I want to get my job done. I wouldn't want you to be disappointed in me."

"To find your work ethic disappointing is illogical. You have always succeeded in surpassing my expectations," Spock said. He gestured towards her seat. "If it pleases you to finish the translations, you are welcome to stay, Miss Uhura. And thank you, for being so dedicated to your duty."

"You're welcome, Sir," she answered, and sat down quickly. It was a good thing, because her knees were just about ready to buckle underneath the cool, detached stare of his dark eyes. Eyes that she knew must keep all kinds of emotions hidden. If only there were some hidden emotions for her…maybe…

_You almost gave yourself away. Of course there are no hidden feelings for you. He's a Vulcan, duh. You __can't__ be fall for him, he's too damn weird, _Nyota thought feverishly. She scooted her chair up closer to her desk, and tried hard to concentrate on deciphering the last few pages of the Romulan paper. The last thing she needed in her life was to get caught up in some dead end emotional frenzy with her teacher. He would never want her; he would never dream of wanting her.

_That's that. Now do your work so you can go home and get some sleep_, she told herself.

What Nyota didn't know was that Spock was finding it nearly impossible to concentrate in her presence. It confused him, because even though he'd just attempted to get her to leave, he was pleased beyond reason that she had wanted to stay. After tonight, he would not see her again in this proximity until Thursday, when she had a class with him as well as her assisting duties. Today was only Tuesday. When did one and a half days start feeling like an eternity?

He clicked open the next PADD in front of him and was stopped cold when he caught the slightest trace of Nyota's scent floating through the air as she shifted in her seat. It was a sweet smell, almost like vanilla, yet with a hint of...floral, perhaps? He couldn't be sure. Yet he found the aroma intoxicating. He knew the scent would linger long after she'd gone, and he would be grateful for it when he was working alone late into the night.

Spock fought against it, but was powerlessly drawn to occasional glances at her. He observed every detail he could in those few moments where his eyes would not-- could not-- look away. He noticed the way her long, black hair fell like a curtain over her shoulder, brushing over the small desk where she scribbled her notes furiously. Every few minutes, she would fling it back, but slowly, her hair would fall forward in the exact same resting place as before. Illogically, he made a mental note that it would delight him just to watch that particular move all day. Some mintues passed, and next he was gazing at her boot tucked behind the right leg of her chair. Sometimes, she muttered to herself in Swahili. He couldn't make out the words, but found himself wanting to know. What was she thinking about as she poured over those pages? What had she noticed that caused her to mutter?

There had been three times that evening when she had looked up and caught him staring at her. Both of them would look away at once, but each time her slanted brown eyes met his, something inside of him moved, like a bird with tiny wings, flapping, trapped inside his chest.

It wasn't the first time these new and baffling sensations had bubbled up inside of Spock. Cadet Uhura had caused them since the first time she had walked through the doors of his Introduction to Vulcan class on a cloudless Tuesday morning. Until that day, he had accepted that he would follow suit with his arranged marriage to T'Pring, whom he felt not a thing for, and would never; yet he was Vulcan, and so was she, and it was his duty to follow the traditions of his father's people. He had tried his whole life to make his father proud, and to prove to those who despised his mixed heritage that he could be completely Vulcan in his mannerisms. He worked hard to carefully meditate away any traces of emotion. He'd successfully meditated through his first pon farr at age 17, wanting to tackle what was said to be the most difficult event to go through without a physical release for many Vulcan males. He wanted to prove that he was not weaker than his full blooded Vulcan acquaintances. His second pon farr was coming up within the next year, and he was perfectly willing to locate T'Pring at the time and perform the necessary ceremonies to bond the two of them.

That had been his very logical plan, thought carefully through. But he had not counted on Nyota Uhura to enter into his life and throw everything off.

Since meeting her, and certainly since he had started getting to know her through classes and now as his assistant, she was occupying a larger and larger part of his thoughts day by day. Something about her made him unsteady, even nervous at times. He had never had such feelings before, and it confused him. He had already disappointed his father by rejecting the invitation to the Vulcan Science Academy. He wasn't sure what his father's reaction might be should he even hint at the idea of becoming close to a human female. Spock did not have the excuse of being an Ambassador to Earth as the logical answer as to why one would choose a human to bond with; Spock had chosen to enlist in Starfleet. And even though his mother was human, he couldn't bear the thought of having any child of his go through the taunting and bullying he had endured simply for being a "half breed".

But wait, here he was, being illogical in his thoughts again. Thinking about mixed hertiage children and taunting, and those "children" did not even exsist. Cadet Uhura, he was sure, regarded him as someone she could look up to and learn a great deal from, but she certainly was not interested in him beyond that. Certainly not. As beautiful as she was, he was certain she was being courted by several human males, and probably some who were not her species. The extroverts and the intellects, the trouble makers and the top scholars. She could have her pick of any of them. She would not waste her time with, as he had heard himself referred to before, a "freak" such as himself.

Spock would go home tonight and meditate until the morning light. No matter how incredibly beautiful, exotic and intelligent Cadet Uhura was, it was simply illogical in every sense of the word to allow her to interfere with his carefully governed emotions, his vigilantly laid out plans. He made a vow that his mother would be the only human female he would ever love.

Then, helplessly, his eyes swept over her once more. Her hair was a curtain covering her face, and she'd begun to twirl a section of that long black silk around her finger, over and over. He swallowed hard as the too familiar feeling of a trapped bird beat imaginary wings against his chest once more.

He knew his vow had come too late.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Nyota stared up at the ceiling of her dorm room and let out her fourth sigh of the evening. Her roommate and best friend Gaila shook her head and dropped the latest Orion fashion magazine onto the bed in disbelief.

"Nyota, what the _hell_ is wrong with you?" Gaila demanded.

"What?" Nyota blinked, looking dazed. "Nothing."

"It's something. I know you better than that. You're acting weird, kind of like the way I act when I haven't seduced anyone in a few days," Gaila huffed, then frowning, added, "But you're still pure as Earth snow, so you wouldn't know what I mean."

"I know. It's pathetic. I've never made less than an A on any assignment but I am completely failing when it comes to getting a love life."

Gaila cringed a little. "Sorry, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. Don't feel bad about being a virgin. It's not such a bad thing. You can find ways to please yourself, you know. Before I started having intergalactic orgies, I used to–"

"Can we _please_ change the subject?"

Gaila shrugged, and picked her magazine back up. All she had to do was wait, because Nyota never acted this way, with all the sighing and blowing and staring into space. Any second now…she wouldn't be able to hold it in but for a few more moments…

"I think I'm in love," Nyota blurted out.

"That's what's bothering you? Love is a good thing! Love is better than sex. I think," Gaila said, and pondered her last comment for a minute before she closed the magazine and got comfortable on her bed, ready to hear the entire story. She could talk about relationships and all that came with it all day, all night, all through classes...

But Nyota just threw her arm across her eyes and groaned. "He's the worst person I could ever possibly be in love with. _Ever_."

"Why?"

"Because, he's just…he's just…I don't know. He's always so practical, and he's too quiet, and I never know what he's thinking. I'm crazy for even feeling this way," Nyota went on.

"Is it Simon, in our Physics class?"

"No."

"Pepson?"

"The one with the tentacles? _No way_."

"Is it Jim?" Gaila asked hesitantly.

"I said I was in love with someone, not that I had gone insane," Nyota said, rolling her eyes.

"Oh, well…Jim's not that bad…" Gaila said. "I think he might like you, actually. He's always asking me about you--"

"I could care _less_."

What Gaila saw in that arrogant, perverted Jim Kirk, she would never know. And yes, he was smart and handsome, but the problem was that he knew exactly that. As far as Nyota was concerned, it was going to take a hell of a lot more than boyish good looks and smooth talking to impress her, that was for sure. It would take someone mysterious. Tall. Humble. Didn't hurt if he had pointed ears.

"So, who is he?" Gaila pressed.

"I'd rather not say. I think it's just a phase anyway."

"Right. A phase. Gotcha," Gaila said sarcastically. "We've lived together for two years and I've never heard you say you were in love before. I've never seen you stare into space and look so serious when you talk about a guy."

"Seriously, I'm sure it will be over soon. I've got PMS and I always get a little crazy around this time. I shouldn't have even brought it up. Just forget I said anything," Nyota said. She sat up on her bed and shoved her feet into her house slippers.

"I already know who it is," Gaila called after her as she headed toward the small kitchen area to make some tea. She needed to stay up a little later and proofread an essay she had due tomorrow morning.

"You don't know who he is. You'd never guess in a million years–do you see my PADD in there?" Nyota asked, going back to the bedroom the girls shared. She threw back her sheets, but nothing was on the bed except a pencil and some hair elastics.

"I haven't seen it since this morning before classes," Gaila said. She started helping Nyota look for the missing tool.

Panic surged through Nyota; she'd never be able to replace all the information she'd stored on it! Plus she had two major assignments to turn in first thing tomorrow morning! She'd been meaning to transfer all of her notes and assignments to her zip drive, but she'd never got around to it.

"If I lost it, I'm dead," she said, and felt tears sting her eyes. "I had all of my work on that thing!"

"Don't worry, we'll find it. We'll look all night if we have to," Gaila reassured her. "I'll check out front."

Nyota dropped to her knees and started pulling clothes, papers and books from under her side of the bed. Just then, the familiar beep of the teleprompter sounded in the room.

"Incoming message for Cadet Uhura," the digitized voice said. "Please specify whether you wish to Accept or Ignore the message."

"Accept," Nyota said grudgingly as she reached as far as she could and closed her fingers around something hard—only to find that it was part of one of her old chemistry lab models. She hurled it across the room, cursing. With a sigh, she huffed some loose hair out of her face and stood, turning to look at her teleprompter.

To her shock-- and embarrassment-- Professor Spock's face was looking back at her, his expression slightly curious, no doubt waiting for her to say something.

"H-hello, Professor," she said weakly as her stomach did several somersaults.

_Shit, my hair! My room!_ She thought in a panic, and nervously ran her hand over her hair again, thinking how terrible she must have looked to him.

"Miss Uhura, I apologize for disturbing your evening. I wished to inform you that I have your PADD. You left it in my office this afternoon—"

"Oh, thank God you found it!" she interrupted, and despite her momentary embarrassment, a wave of relief washed over her. "I was tearing this place up looking for it!"

She called out to her friend, "Gaila, I left my PADD in Professor Spock's office! You can stop looking, I'm going to get it!"

She turned back to the screen and started searching frantically for her Starfleet issued jumpsuit and sneakers. "Sir, just give me ten minutes and I'll be right there. I have so many assignments due, you wouldn't believe it."

"Miss Uhura, it would be most unwise for you to walk unattended to my office at this hour. I believe the most logical thing to do would be for me to bring the PADD to your place of residence. What dormitory are you assigned to this semester?"

Nyota glanced around the messy quarters and gulped. "Uh, Sloane Hall. But I think I would rather come and get it. I wasn't expecting any company, and the room is kind of messy."

"I will not be there to inspect the conditions of your living quarters. In fact, I have no intention of entering your quarters at all. My only objective is to return to you your equipment."

"It's really not that far, Sir. I could be there in ten minutes," Nyota tried to convince him.

"Miss Uhura, it is nearly ten o'clock at night. It is illogical for me to sit safely in my office and knowingly allow a young female to come to the Science and Linguistics building unattended. The probabilities of some form of assault taking place will be greatly reduced if I am the one walking alone at night with a highly valuable machine in my hand versus you."

"Yes, Sir," Nyota said. He took the longest time to explain the simplest things, she thought. It was incredible how precise he was. She couldn't help but feel a burst of admiration at how his mind worked. "I guess I'll stay in the safety of my dorm room and wait for you to get here."

"I will have your property returned to you momentarily, Miss Uhura," Spock said, and leaned forward to switch of the teleprompter.

Nyota clicked off the teleprompter from her end, then stood and mouthed the words _Oh, my God_, jumping up and down several times as she did so.

"I was right. I _knew_ it was Professor Spock. I'd never have believed it of you, that _he_ would be your type."

Nyota whirled around to see Gaila watching her. She was smirking again. "Happy your secret love is coming over to save your academic career? Maybe he's the one who's finally going to see what you've got stashed in between your—"

"GAILA, SHUTUP!" Nyota screeched. She started shoving clothes into the drawers and kicking things back under the bed as if on speed. "Can't you see I'm nervous enough? This really doesn't even make sense, it's not going anywhere…I can't believe he's coming! Should I change my clothes? Should I put on some makeup, or will that look too obvious? It doesn't make sense, he said himself he wasn't coming in. Wait, where are you going?"

"I'm going next door to give you two some privacy, where do you think?" Gaila said, and grabbed her robe. She was wearing next to nothing underneath it. It just occurred to Nyota that their two neighbors were both males. She hadn't seen Jim coming over as much, and Gaila had been talking about sex all day... Oh well, there were more pressing things to think about. Like the fact that Spock would be here in minutes!

Nyota tried to clear the image of what Gaila would be doing with their neighbors out of her head. "Gaila, listen, you can't leave me here alone! I need moral support! I don't want him to know how I feel about him! He'll think I'm trying to hit on him or something!"

"So, you're admitting that Professor Spock is the person you were talking about earlier? The one you said you were in love with?" Gaila said slowly.

Nyota bit her lip. "Yes. Please don't tell anyone. I'm confused enough by how I feel myself. I could get kicked out of Starfleet just by mentioning that I'm interested in a teacher."

"No, I think that rule only applies if you two sleep together. Hey, Nyo, is he even _into_ females?"

"Yikes, I don't know," Nyota said thoughtfully. The thought hadn't occurred to her. "Well, that will make it easier on me if he isn't. Then I can find someone my age to fall for."

"He's actually not that much older than you. I'm pretty sure he's in his early twenties. I've heard that he was some whiz kid and the youngest instructor ever on staff at Starfleet. That's probably why I've never seen him with a woman. He's too busy sticking his nose in some computer or book. Kind of like someone else I know," Gaila said as she fluffed her shiny red hair in the mirror. "Anyway, I'm outta here. You have fun. Don't let him stay too late, you've got class first thing in the morning."

"Don't leave!"

"Nyota, calm down, for Orion's sake. You said it was a fleeting crush, so what is there to be nervous about?" Gaila said with a wink. She opened the door to their room and slipped out before Nyota could protest any further.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Spock knocked on the door of Room 315, his hand firmly around the handle of the carrying case of Cadet Uhura's PADD. He'd surprised himself by not noticing it for nearly an hour after she'd left. Once he'd realized that she had left it under the desk where she had been translating all those pages of Romulan dialect, he walked back to his seat and sat, thinking of the best and most logical course of action to take.

He could go back to his quarters as planned and think nothing of Cadet Uhura's careless behavior. A Starfleet scholar should know better than to leave a valuable item simply lying about, and he certainly should feel no obligation to interfere with Uhura's efforts to relocate the PADD.

As a second option, he could wait until he saw Cadet Uhura in class tomorrow and return it to her at that time. This was convenient enough for the both of them.

The third option required Spock letting her know that she had left her PADD in his office, to which she would probably respond by attempting to retrieve it immediately, to which he would have to counter respond by bringing it to her himself to prevent the possibility of something happening to her that might cause her harm. He knew her schedule, and she didn't have class with him until 11 o'clock. Most likely, she would need her PADD before then.

So it was settled; he would return the PADD to her tonight.

It was strange; at times, it seemed almost as if something was urging him to go against the nature he tried so very hard to make real and true. He'd worked diligently his whole life to purge his system of emotion. To have all his years of trained restraint go haywire just from meeting one Earth girl was daunting to him. He knew, had he been Vulcan to the core, that he would have ignored the PADD and let her retrace her own steps to locating its whereabouts. It was only logical to keep a distance from the woman making him weaker every time he was around her.

She had opened the door. She was smiling at him, looking as shy as he suddenly felt.

_How beautiful she is. _

The meditation exercises were failing him.

"You got here fast," she said, and stood back, opening the door. "Come in."

"I do not wish to tempt the illogical mind of some passerby that there is any form of inappropriate activity going on between us," he said. He held out her PADD to her. "Please take your PADD, Miss Uhura, and try to be more responsible in the future with regard to your belongings."

"You can call me Nyota. We're not in class," she said with a small laugh. She took her computerized notebook from him. "And I doubt anyone worth being concerned about is peeking out their window at 10:30 p.m. Even if they were, it's not like we're standing out here making out."

"Forgive me, but I do not understand your wording. I—"

She took him by surprise when she grabbed his hand and pulled him inside. "Come on, just for a minute. I spend so much time in your office, you can see where I spend my time studying for your killer exams."

As soon as she'd pulled his hand, several emotional charges shot through him. He felt her excitement, her happiness that he had come. He felt the acceleration of her heartbeat. He even saw brief flashes of her brushing her hair. Then it all faded, leaving him slightly dizzy.

He was alarmed at the response that had passed through him from her touch. He had never before had a reaction so strong. Of course he had occasionally shaken the hands of other human beings, as was a commonplace greeting on Earth. He usually felt nothing but a slight wave or a strong pulse at most with other humans. Never had he been able to see another's thoughts. The fact that it had happened with her must indicate that they were more compatible than he'd realized.

He should get out now. For his heart, too, was racing. He, too, was feeling something light and dancing inside his chest. He wanted to turn back towards her door, but something would not let him move. Another moment of alarm rang inside of him as he realized that he _wanted_ to stay. He wanted to be around her. He, who had never had the desire to be around anyone.

"What's wrong? I couldn't have hurt you," she was saying, frowning at him.

"Miss —Nyota, you cannot inflict pain on me," he told her.

She laughed softly. "That's good to know, Professor. Now, what can I get for you? Tea? Or some coffee, maybe? Do you want to sit down?"

His observation of her, of the environment in which she lived, began to take over now that he was inside of her room. He had not been in the dormitories since he was a student at Starfleet himself. He had certainly never been inside a female's dorm room, nor had he ever had a female in his room. He was almost painfully inexperienced in the protocol of such situations.

"No, thank you," was all he said.

"Well, we can't just stand here…um, staring at each other," she said. Her face was starting to flush, as it did quite often, he noted. She pulled a lock of long hair behind her ear. She was wearing the light, airy Starfleet issued track suit, as humans called it, but instead of the matching jacket, she had on a white shirt with delicate looking straps. He had never seen her bare shoulders before, or so much of her arms. Her skin looked graceful and smooth. Her smell was different, not the rich vanilla smell form earlier, just a fresh, crisp scent. She had taken a bath. It was the soap she had used that he smelled now. And something happened inside that he had not felt before, and it was happening in a part of his body that was most private.

"I must go, Nyota," he said. She frowned slightly, and she followed him to the door. He looked down at her, and in her eyes, he saw something, felt something that was desperately trying to connect with him.

He handled her attempt at connecting in the only way he knew how, and that was to respond to her with a logical statement. "I will see you in class tomorrow."

She responded with the unthinkable to someone like him. She first bit her bottom lip, then quickly stood on her toes and kissed him on the cheek. "Thank you so much for bringing my PADD. It was sweet of you to walk all the way over here. Goodnight."

He didn't say another word to her on his way out, but he walked back to his campus apartment in a blurry haze of everything Nyota. That night, as he lay awake in his bed alone, sleep was impossible as all he thought about was the way her mouth felt against his face.


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N: Sorry it's taken so long to post the next chapter! I've been out of town. I will try to make up for lost time by giving you two chapters back to back. But don't hold me to that, as I am an Air Sign and prone to bouts of immobility. _

Chapter 4

Final exams for all graduating members of the Starfleet Academy were coming up sooner than most cadets would care to happen upon them. Any area on campus that looked as if it would allow for even the slightest bit of quiet concentration was crammed with senior cadets, their PADDS, stylus pens, notes, books, papers and sometimes, the exam itself.

Jim Kirk had somehow confiscated several finals and was selling them around campus to the graduating members for small fees, which included money, intergalactic knick knacks, and even sex from a few females, so Nyota had heard from Gaila, who'd been furious when she'd found out.

"Uhura, if you spend the night with me, I'll get you any exam you need. You _know_ how hard the Vulcan's final is going to be," Kirk said as he cornered Nyota in the hallway of the Science Building one day. She rolled her eyes and tried to go around him, but he quickly put his arm on the wall to keep her from doing it.

"Do you honestly think I would sleep with you to get an exam? Are you crazy? And what about Gaila? Have you forgotten that she's my roommate? And my best friend? You pig!" Nyota fumed. She ducked under Kirk's arm, but he grabbed her hand.

"Gaila and I aren't serious. She gets around as much as I do."

"_Exactly_. Let go of me."

"I'll quit all the women in the galaxy for you, just say the word. Hey, what about dinner? I'll get you the Vulcan's exam if you go out to dinner with me."

Nyota sighed impatiently. "Jim, you and I are just friends. We will always be just friends. And I don't need a cheat sheet, that's why I do something called _studying_. Now excuse me, I have to go to class."

The nerve of that boy. Still, Nyota fought a smile as she hurried towards the "Vulcan's" classroom. Despite her demonstrated annoyance at practically everything he said to her, she couldn't entirely despise him. How could you despise someone who flirted so shamelessly with you?

The thing about Jim was that he didn't give her that feeling. The butterflies.

She had gotten accustomed to the feeling of tiny wings floating around inside her heart. They had been present ever since she'd first walked into the classroom of Professor Spock. They were present now as she pulled the door open and slid into her seat, ten minutes before class was to start.

She glanced in his direction, unable to help herself, but instead of looking around, Spock was busy shuffling and loading things onto the class projector. Disappointed, Nyota busied herself in switching her PADD on so she could take notes.

The PADD, which Spock had returned to her last night.

He'd actually been over.

She'd thought it so, well, _adorable_ how rigid and formal he'd been when she'd pulled him into her room. She'd been a nervous wreck after Gaila had left her by herself, but she'd overcome her condition when she'd answered the door to see him standing there. She had probably violated some major Vulcan protocol by grabbing his hand the way she did, but just the sight of him thrilled her to the point that she lost control of herself.

"We will discuss the aspects of Vulcan theory that will weigh most heavily on your final exam in two weeks," Spock said, and pressed a button near his desk to dim the lights.

Nyota sat up straighter, and pushed the romantic thoughts and feelings out of her mind as she began entering information into her computer.

When she arrived at Spock's office for her assisting duties, Nyota was out of breath and slightly flustered.

"You are late, Nyota," Spock said without looking up from the work on his desk.

She blushed at hearing him say her name. "I'm sorry, Professor. I had to download some exam guides from the library. I'm going to study as soon as I leave here. My first final is Monday and I have no clue what I'm doing in the last two chapters of Molecular Physics."

"As you have given me permission to address you by your first name when we are outside of the classroom, I return the first name consent to you. Please, call me Spock." He paused, and now looked fully at her. "May I inquire the reason for your use of the statement that you have 'no clue' what you are doing in your Physics class?"

Nyota smiled. "Well, I'm a smart enough girl, but Physics is not my favorite subject, not by a long shot. I always put off studying for it until the last minute, but I can't do that this time around. Not with finals in three days."

"What is your current average?"

"Um, 98.4%. I-I'm trying to get as close to 100% as I can," Nyota said softly. She glanced at him, and then looked down at her hands, smoothing them over her uniformed dress.

"Your voice changed when you answered my question. Why?"

Nyota was a little surprised that he was being so open in his interest of what she was feeling. She let down her guard and told him the absolute truth.

"It's funny, Prof–I mean, Spock. Wow, I've got to get used to calling you by your name," she said, shaking her head. "Anyway, what I was going to say was that even though I'm twenty one, I still, um, have emotional scars I guess. From, you know, being teased a lot when I was a child. Other girls used to pick on me and call me names. I always got the top grades, and some of the girls were jealous because…because…hell, I don't know why, really. All I know is that they hated me and they never failed to let me know it. And over the years, I just learned to keep my goals and my aspirations to myself. I didn't want to give anyone a reason to think I was stuck up or anything. I didn't want anyone to think I was bragging. And I still don't. I know I'm smart, and I know that I won't settle for anything beneath my own personal expectations. But I guess because of what I went through when I was younger, I don't let too many people know how important it is to me to always get the best grades. Does that make sense?"

She had leaned in a very casual manner against the desk where she usually worked when she assisted him, and crossed her arms subconsciously against her chest, as if still protecting herself from the ridicule she'd endured against those horrible girls in her early academy days.

Spock had been watching her very intently while she talked. Dammit all to hell, she'd said too much, and had freaked him out. She was just starting to mentally berate herself when he said, "I understand the need to keep private things of a personal nature. It is a very similar approach to the ways of my people. I apologize for the hardships you endured as a young child. The things we experience during childhood can indeed stay with us for many years."

"You sound as if you had a similar experience."

"Vulcans find it illogical to ponder or discuss events that cannot be changed."

"And, as a Vulcan, I guess you've already repressed any painful memory that you might have experienced when you were a child."

"You are correct."

Nyota pulled out her chair, and sat down. She felt saddened at the thought of Spock being ridiculed as a young boy. What about? Had he ever cried about it, as she had done when she was a child? Did he ever feel anger about it? But of course he didn't. He didn't feel shit. He was immune to emotions.

"What's it like, not to feel anything? I think I'd like to learn how to do that," Nyota murmured, half talking to herself.

"Nyota, you are mistaken if you think that, as a Vulcan, I do not feel. I, as well as my race, feel very deeply. Vulcans have many emotions. But for logical purposes, and most often to perform our duties to the best that we are capable, we practice methods to control irrational feelings caused by anger, sadness, jealousy or rage. Reactions based off such feelings have no place in most situations. That is the reason so many other species fail where we, as Vulcans, succeed. We are able to maintain control during trying times and choose the course of actions that would most benefit ourselves and any others involved."

"But how does logic apply to situations that don't revolve around your work on a space ship or in class or in a meeting? What about those situations?"

"To what situations are you referring?"

"Well, like relationships. Love," Nyota said. She was unable to hold his gaze here, and even though she knew she'd blushed furiously, she wanted to know. She _had_ to know where he stood on the subject.

Spock blinked. "I do not understand the emotion, nor do I imagine I would be able to demonstrate it in the same manner as other species."

"Oh," Nyota said, feeling slightly disappointed for reasons she couldn't explain.

She couldn't feel too disappointed, however, seeing as how they had reached a breakthrough. They were on a first name basis, and they'd just spent the past few minutes talking about something other than school or exams or assignments. She'd opened up to him, and he'd encouraged it. He hadn't asked her to leave, or tried to change the subject! That was good enough for her. Even if she would never be able to have him as a boyfriend, she could enjoy this day, these past few moments. She walked over to Spock and held her hand out.

"Are those the translation essays from earlier? I can grade them for you," she said with a smile.

"Would you like to begin studying for your Physics exam? As it is the end of the semester, there are very few assignments that require aid to complete. I find this office to be quite accommodating when I have pressing deadlines. In addition, I can be of assistance should you require any," Spock said.

"Are you letting me off the hook? I'm shocked," Nyota said, smiling.

"Off the hook? I do not understand–"

"It's just a phrase. I'm teasing you, Spock." She returned to her seat, and sat down. "Thank you for giving me some time to study."

She unzipped her bag and pulled out her things. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Certainly. Physics is one of my most enjoyable subjects."

Her heart skipped a beat. "It's not about Physics."

He turned his head slightly to the side, looking neither surprised nor suspicious. "Very well. What is your question?"

"I'm happy that we talked. It seems like we're, um, finally getting to know each other. I was just, um, wondering what made you decide to share your feelings?"

"I would not classify the brief and frank discussion of your personal goals or a similar childhood as 'sharing feelings'."

"But you've never asked about me before. We've never really talked about anything other than school or classes before."

"I do not understand the rationale behind your statements."

"I want to get to know you, Spock. I want to know you all I can," Nyota said in barely above a whisper.

She would have doubted that he'd heard her, for he said nothing in response, just as he'd done when she'd kissed him on the cheek the other night, but there was something in the way he looked at her that told her otherwise. There was something there, something that was trying to reach her. She wanted to take a chance, and try to grasp it.

She swallowed, her hands flat on the table before her. _Now or never. _

Nyota put her stylus down and slid out of her seat. Their eyes were locked on one another as she walked slowly, deliberately over to him, coming behind his desk and standing before him in the chair where he sat.

"There's something you want to tell me. Say it," she whispered.

He was looking at her so intently that she suddenly felt as helpless as a deer caught in headlights. She trembled, but stood her ground. And then he stood up, towering over her. She melted; all of her walls came crashing down. Anything. She would do anything for him.

"Perhaps," he began quietly, "it would be best if you left my office, Nyota."

"Okay," she breathed, and leaned towards him, pressing her mouth against his.

His arms tightened around her waist and it took her breath away. It was a good thing he pulled her closer to him, because she was moments from going weak in the knees. Her breasts pressed firmly against his broad chest and now, it made sense to Nyota why Gaila did the things she did; she could understand it all if it made her feel the way Nyota felt now. Their arms were around each other now, and they were kissing so furiously that they stumbled back against the bookshelf behind his desk.

Spock was hot as fire against her, and she knew as he held her to him that all she'd ever thought she knew about Vulcans being unfeeling creatures was a lie. Oh, he was feeling a lot right about now. She could very plainly tell, and she didn't care one bit if he ripped her dress off and took her on the floor of his office. She had never wanted a man as badly as she wanted him right now.

Then something happened and he stopped, letting her go as he stepped back, breathing heavily and turning from her.

"What is it? What's wrong?" Nyota asked, breathless herself. She took a step towards him, but he held up his hand, stopping her.

"No. No. This is wrong. I apologize for my loss of control. We are in direct violation of Starfleet Code of Conduct number 12.1, which–"

"Spock, I know what you're saying, but I'm practically a Lieutenant. I only have two more classes with you, and then I'm not your student anymore. I–"

"I cannot allow you to…to put me in emotionally compromising positions. We cannot risk losing all that we have worked so diligently for because we failed to maintain a professional relationship. You are my student."

"Yes, but I won't be after next week! I know, you're probably flustered, and I am too, a little, but I know how I feel about you. I know that–"

"This can never happen again. Ever. I am afraid that I am unable to spend any further time alone with you. I respectfully ask that you do not return to my office unattended, for any reason," Spock said.

"What?!" she squeaked.

He wasn't doing this. He couldn't be ending what hadn't even gotten started. Wasn't that supposed to come _after_ the sex? She was being short changed; it sucked, and not just because she was still a virgin.

"If you want to wait until after I graduate, or…or maybe if we went somewhere we can really be alone–" Nyota said. Her breath was still coming in short gasps. Her mind was spinning like a top. He has just kissed her back, and she wanted more of it, not less. She came closer to him. But now when he looked at her, his eyes were totally unreadable. He'd done something to shut her out, something only Vulcans must be able to do, shut it all off in the blink of an eye.

"Do you understand?" he said almost harshly. "I cannot be with you. I apologize for what just happened, but that cannot happen again. Your services as my personal assistant are no longer required. I will not speak of this to anyone, for your reputation's sake as well as mine."

"But I–"

"I cannot be with you, Nyota."

Nyota pressed her lips together, saying nothing. They stared at each other for several long moments as she tried to pull out of him what she'd seen before, but she failed. Finally, she got her things and left without another word.

She walked back to her room in silence, and was grateful to find her room empty.

She bit her lip, thinking. She certainly hadn't imagined what she'd read in his eyes. So what had happened? What was he afraid of?

How dare Spock get her hot and bothered and then ask her to leave without giving her the grand finale!

It pissed her off. He'd officially pissed her off, worse than Jim Kirk had ever. How _dare_ he!

She tossed off her clothes and got in the shower, fuming the entire time she washed herself as she cursed him aloud. Kissing her like that…grabbing her body the way she'd dreamed he one day would…putting his tongue in her mouth, and then dumping her as an assistant and basically telling her to shove off?

Nyota pulled on her most comfortable robe and made herself some coffee. Damn him. Damn him to all the hells that existed across the galaxy. She had studying to do, so piss on him anyway.

For the next four hours, she tried to trick herself into thinking that she would be able to concentrate on bonding atoms and formulas, but every few minutes, her mind would replay the scene from earlier that afternoon. Spock's kisses. Spock's hands on her. Spock's eyes as she'd approached him. The way her body had exploded the minute their lips had touched.

Finally, Nyota gave up on Molecular Physics. She'd committed absolutely nothing to memory this entire time, except how wonderful it had been to have Spock kissing her.

She was horny. And something had to be done about it.

_I've lived with Gaila too damn long_ she thought as she put on a clean track suit and headed out into the now star lit and perfectly warm night.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

It was a pleasant night, still warm despite the setting sun and the fact that it was 8:30 p.m. Stepping out onto his balcony, Spock clasped his hands behind his back and made simple observations of the different beings below enjoying what was left of the evening. He found the conditions on the cool side, compared to Vulcan, yet he found that most of the humans continuously wiped sweat off their faces and necks as the months stretched towards Earth's period of summer. Vulcans did not perspire. It was an intriguing physical response to the environment, one that he was still not sure he was used to seeing, even after his time on Earth.

A gentle breeze flowed across his face. He could tell by the scent on the wind that rain was coming soon. Spock felt very pleased with himself. His judgment was unclouded again. He had performed satisfactory meditation exercises since returning to his quarters; finding his center had been a challenge only at first. He was practically headed towards a state of internal shock at the turn of events that had occurred just hours earlier.

He'd never so much as held a woman's hand, other than his mother's when he was a small child. For him to go from nothing to kissing Nyota in his office in one afternoon had unleashed something...irrational in him. It had almost felt like he was experiencing pon farr, but he knew he still had roughly eleven months left until that time. Still, the urge to connect with Nyota in a physical way was present; he could not deny this, and it was growing increasingly harder to repress.

It was best that he'd told her to stay away from him. There was too much at stake for him to get involved with a female who made him even less Vulcan with the outbursts of emotion she caused in him. Since he'd met Nyota, he'd spent more time than ever before locked away in meditation. He had better things to do with his time. There were experiments to be perfected and mathematical equations to ponder and solve. There were Starfleet tests to create and upgrades to be administered to all the star ships.

Spock came back in, closed his balcony door and set about fixing himself dinner. It was satisfactory. Afterwards, he opened his PADD and flipped through the digital lists of his favorite Vulcan novels until he'd found one to indulge in. He had just started reading when he was seized by a flashback– Nyota's narrow brown eyes looking at him as she'd walked towards him in his office. In that moment, he'd realized that she was going to instigate some form of physical response from him and he would allow it because he couldn't help it any longer.

He shut his PADD firmly and began to pace. It was concerning, but not entirely surprising, that his meditations against thoughts of her were not working.

Maybe a walk would do him good.

He left his quarters and took the path heading east, towards campus. There were quite a few students milling about, and he greeted the few he knew politely and walked down towards the waterfront of campus, where there seemed to be fewer inhabitants. He felt most at peace by the bay, the large body of water fascinating him, especially because water in large amounts was something that practically did not exist in Vulcan. There were pools and such, but most of them were on the wilderness preserves, where Spock did not often venture.

He wanted to go and sit on one of his favorite benches, the one facing the harbor for the space crafts to load and unload, but he noticed that it was occupied by a small figure, curled up as if injured.

Curious, he strode towards the lonesome shape. "Are you in need of any assistance?" he called out.

"Spock?"

It was her.

"What are _you_ doing out here?" Nyota had whirled around, her brows knitted in confusion. Spock was too stunned to answer right away, but it didn't matter as she had suddenly turned from him, and gotten up. "Never mind. I know I'm the last person you want to see right now," she snapped, and started walking away.

"Did you come here unaccompanied?" Spock asked.

"So what if I did? What do you care?"

"Nyota, it is unwise for any female to walk about campus at night unattended."

"This may come as a shock to you, but I've passed basic training and that includes the hand to hand combat part. I can take care of myself," she said over her shoulder as she passed him.

He quickened his pace to catch up to her. "I will escort you to your room."

She stopped abruptly. "No, you will _not_. God, you know, for someone who prides himself off living such a logical life, you sure are acting _illogically_! Didn't you tell me a few hours ago that I was dismissed as your assistant? Didn't you then say you never wanted to see me again? And now you're oh-so-terribly concerned that someone might kidnap me? I don't need you to walk me anywhere!"

Spock wondered if he should suggest she visit the Campus Medical Station, as she sounded near hysteria– her voice high and angry, her tone one he had never heard from her before. He took a step closer to her, and touched her arm lightly, which thankfully, was covered by her jacket sleeve. No emotions could pass through to him, and he was thankful for that as Nyota glared at him.

"Nyota, you seem…unwell. Please, allow me–"

"I won't allow you to do anything. And I'm _perfectly_ fine, thank you very much! I'm staying away from you," Nyota retorted, her voice still shrill. She pulled away from him and walked off with large, angry strides.

"If you do not wish to walk by my side, do not. I will see that you get home safely either way, Nyota," Spock said loudly.

"I'm not _going_ home!" she practically shrieked. Now, in a move that Spock found more irrational than ever, Nyota turned and went back to the bench where he'd found her and sat down angrily.

He drew in a breath and followed her. "I do not understand the sudden change in your plans, but I will remain on guard to make sure you are safe. It does not set well with me that you would sit here in the dark."

"Again, what do you care, Spock?" she said stiffly, folding her arms tightly. She refused to look at him.

"If your obstinate manner is a result of what transpired between you and I earlier, I wish you to know that I was making a decision that will ensure both of us remain in good standing within Starfleet. You are not the only one who desires being assigned aboard the Starship Enterprise."

"Since when do you get to make decisions about me and my life?"

"You are younger than I," he said gently. "You may not be entirely sure of what you want."

"My age has nothing to do with it. And from what I've heard, you're not that much older than I am."

"Vulcan years are different, Nyota."

She sniffed again, and then added, "And I _do_ know what I want."

Spock said nothing, and they both watched the water for some time. As the minutes passed, the wind picked up, and soon the clouds were swirling quickly, releasing a few enormous raindrops from the sky. Spock glanced at Nyota, who had made no attempts to move.

As Spock had predicted when he'd been on his balcony, a cool rain begain to fall, a few fat drops at a time but picking up in pace with every passing minute. Nyota said casually, "Spock, you can go do whatever it was that you were doing. I don't have any intention of going back to my room, not for awhile, so if you're thinking that I'll change my mind soon, you're mistaken."

"May I inquire as to what you were doing out here to begin with?"

Nyota sighed. "I was going to see you. I went to your office because I wanted to talk to you about...you know…what happened earlier. I know that you sometimes stay at work late, but you had already gone. I went for a walk and I ended up here. I'm not on this side of campus that often so I decided to sit down and enjoy the view. End of story."

"If you insist on staying away from your residence hall, and your intent was to speak with me when you left your room, I ask that you return to my quarters until the rain stops. You would certainly not be able to perform to the best of your capabilities on your final exams if you were to become ill."

She said nothing. The rain started to fall harder. Spock sat down beside her.

"What are you doing, Spock?"

"If you wish to stay in the rain, I will stay in the rain. I do not get Earth illnesses."

Nyota shrugged. "Let's go to your place, then. I'm freezing. But I'm leaving as soon as it stops raining."

By the time they made it to Spock's apartment, they'd found themselves in a full on downpour. They'd ended up running the final distance, and came into his apartment dripping with water.

"Computer, turn on the lights," Spock said and bent to remove his shoes. Nyota looked around as she unzipped her boots.

"It pays to teach at Starfleet, I see," she said, working her second boot off with the toe of her socked foot. "I'm impressed. You _would_ be a neat freak."

Spock could not entirely focus on her words, not when he found it so distracting, the way her wet clothing stuck to her slender body. He looked closer at her, noticing her hair was no longer straight. It had turned into long, springy looking coils.

"Your hair has changed," he mused. Yet another stone to add to the pile of things he did not understand about her.

"It gets curly when it's wet. Sorry to disappoint you," she said flatly.

"On the contrary. I find your hair to be physically pleasing in its current state," Spock said.

Nyota looked at him, giving him the tiniest of smiles; it faded before he could be sure. She wandered into his spacious apartment, looking at different things, running her fingers over the back of the chairs he had against the high table in front of the kitchen. Spock watched her, mesmerized just by the way she moved. Her gracefulness in practically everything she did reminded him of a cat- poised, deliberate, sure.

Now Nyota stopped at the long table where he most often worked on chemistry models. She picked up a chess piece, turning it over in her hands. "These are strange looking figures. What in the world kind of board is this? It looks like a distorted chess game."

"You are partially correct. It is a two dimensional chess set. The game is one of our favorite pastimes on Vulcan," he told her. He was about to offer to show her the basics of playing when she said, "Do you have a towel I can use? I can't stand these wet clothes hanging on me like this.."

"It is actually unwise to stay in wet clothing any longer than necessary, particularly for human beings. I was going to change. Perhaps you would like to put on one of my garments while you wait for your own to dry," he told her.

"Oh," she said, looking down. "Okay, yes. That would be nice. Thank you."

She followed him to his bedroom. He sensed her directly behind him when he opened his closet, and had he been all human, his heart would have skipped a beat. He wondered what she might have in her own closet. His was full of meditation robes, shirts and pants, as well as standard Starfleet uniforms and a few articles from Vulcan for his visits home. He watched Nyota pull his things to the side, her eyes roaming over this and that until finally, she settled on one of his meditation robes and a pair of soft pants.

"Is this okay?" she asked him.

They had not stood so close since the office. He looked down at her and was reminded of the way it felt when her mouth was against his.

"Of course," he said.

She jerked a thumb towards the bathroom in the back of his bedroom. "I'll just change in here," she said, going into the bathroom and closing the door.

Spock picked out a dry set of clothes for himself, and changed quickly before going back into the living area of his apartment. He sat in front of his chess set and waited.

Nyota emerged from his room, pulling his robe tightly around her body. Before she did so, he caught a glimpse of her collarbone, delicate and smooth. His clothes were very big on her, but something about the way she looked struck him with a feeling of familiarity, and of intimacy. He had never imagined that one day, Nyota would be in his home, wearing his robes. He had never imagined that seeing such a thing would make him want to be with her more than ever.

She ran a hand over her hair. "Thank you for the clothes. I left the others under the heating unit so they can dry. It shouldn't take long."

Spock could only nod. A giant clap of thunder boomed just then, and the building lights flickered. Nyota glanced around. "I was going to ask for something to read, but maybe that isn't going to work."

"Are you referring to the brief shortage of electricity? We are secure here. I have never known this building to suffer a complete loss of power. I designed the upgraded generator myself, which I know is without fault."

Nyota drew in a breath. "Okay. So the lights will stay on. If you can spare me something to read, I'll just find a quiet corner and stay out of your way until the storm passes."

"I will find something that pleases you," he said, and went to the bedroom of his apartment to his bookshelf, where he kept several old fashioned hard copies of his favorite materials. He searched for the ones she might like best; it didn't take him long to choose a book on Vulcan history and two books containing Vulcan plays, all of which he handed to Nyota.

"Thank you, Spock," she said.

"Are you comfortable?" he asked her.

"Yes, thank you." She paused. "I'll just take these into the kitchen to read them."

Spock frowned slightly. "I have never found the kitchen to be an accommodating place for reading. You can read those in this room, if you like."

"You don't want to be around me, remember? You just ended our friendship. My internship. And now we're alone and you're being so nice to me," Nyota said, shaking her head. He started to answer her when she continued, "Just tell me the real reason you stopped. Because I'm too different for you?"

"Don't be foolish. I find your entire being fascinating."

"Then why did you tell me to leave?"

It was happening again, the urge. But it was not only the urging that he felt around her, it was a desire to let her in, so she could know him better, as she'd expressed. He wanted to be understood by her, more than anything. "Nyota, I am fearful that I cannot control myself in your presence. This is troubling because I would not want to disappoint you. You should know that I am…inexperienced… in physical mating rituals."

"Well, that makes two of us. I've never been with anyone," Nyota said, and began to blush furiously. "I wouldn't be disappointed. We can just-"

"That is not all, Nyota. I am betrothed."

Her face fell at his words. "You're _engaged_?"

Spock felt a tugging inside his chest, another reminder of how powerful his connection with her was. He was hurting because she was. "It was an arrangement made by both our parents when we were children."

"But…but…you've never mentioned her! Not in the three years I've been working with you! When are you getting married? What's her name?"

"Her name is T'Pring and no wedding date has been set. I have not spoken to her or seen her for many years. No doubt she, as well as my father, found my decision to join Starfleet to be most disappointing. She has never left Vulcan, nor does she have a desire to, according to my father."

"So you'll get married to her and move back to Vulcan and that will be that," Nyota said flatly.

"It is not the plan that would most benefit me, but it is the plan that would most please my father as well as my father's family, who would like nothing more than to see me settled with a Vulcan bride. It would certainly help eradicate some of the shame I have brought on my family by choosing Starfleet on Earth over the Vulcan Science Academy."

"For God's sake, Spock, you can't live to please your family the rest of your life. How long are you going to spend making amends for coming here? Something has to change sooner or later," Nyota said.

"Everything changed for me the moment I met you," Spock replied.

Nyota froze. "What do you mean?"

"It is my duty to marry a Vulcan. I cannot continue to disappoint my people, as I have done most of my life simply for being what I am, what I cannot help. Half human. But I do not desire a future with T'Pring. I will never desire a future with her," Spock said. He paused, hesitating only for a moment before he said quietly, "I cannot explain what has happened to me since meeting your acquaintance. I do not have logical answers for my behavior, not this afternoon or right now. I have tried everything in my power to…to _not_ feel when I look at you or have thoughts about you. I have failed to do so. And I realized I have no desire to do so."

"Are you saying that you have feelings for me?"

"I am, Nyota."

"Do you want to be with me?"

"I cannot...and yet...I do."

"I want to be with you, too," she said softly. She came over to him, kissing him gently. She did this twice, then put her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly. Spock's heartbeat accelerated, yet he did not move to return her affections.

"Hold me. Touch me," she whispered against his neck, kissing the sensitive skin there.

"Nyota," Spock said, stepping away from her embrace. "You must understand there is no satisfactory ending for us. There will come a time when I will…marry. When I do, I will return to Vulcan and live my life there, on my home planet."

Nyota held her chin up stubbornly, blinking back tears.

"I understand," she said quietly. "It's just that your words are too late. I'm already in love with you. I don't care if you leave me in the end, I don't care! It's worth it to me, just being able to experience this, this special feeling that I have for you. I'm so alive right now, I feel so happy, just hearing you say that you have feelings for me. If all we have is a little time, I'll take it and I'll remember every minute. For the rest of my life, I will."

Never had words sounded so lovely to Spock. He put his hands on her arms, touching her, running his hands up until both his hands were on her delicately soft face. Her tears were strange yet beautiful running over his thumbs, and as he wiped them away, images raced from her thoughts to his, he could feel them. She wanted to be close to him. She wanted to be with him so badly she ached. She was hurting over what he had told her about T'Pring but she was trying to be brave.

"I am faulty with human words. But allow me to show you what is in this Vulcan heart," Spock said softly.

He placed his fingers firmly against her face, closing his eyes. The connection he sought to create with her was immediate. He let her inside of his world. He showed her everything, all the way back to his childhood– he showed her the taunting he'd endured for being half human; his struggles to be a child of two worlds, and the ever constant need he felt please his father; his human feelings of loneliness, and his shame that he could not repress it.

Spock showed Nyota the memories he had of her, from the time she'd bounced into his Advanced Vulcan class with her ponytail swinging behind her to the first time his heart had jumped inside his chest because she had been near. He showed her the day he'd seen her walking across campus, her hair blowing in the wind, as she laughed and playfully shoved the notoriously troublesome Cadet Kirk in the arm. He allowed her to see that he had been jealous she'd shown such affection for Kirk, affection he knew he would never be able to demonstrate. He showed her the way he admired her when she brought up interesting points in class, never afraid to give her opinion; he showed the way he desired her, as he watched the way she crossed her legs in her seat, or sometimes twirled her hair around her finger; he hoped he showed her that, in his own way, he was in love, too.

When Spock removed his hands from Nyota's face, ending the mind meld, her eyes stayed closed for a few moments. He wasn't sure what her response would be. Humans could find the process to be exhausting, from what he'd heard.

But Nyota did not appear sick when she finally opened her eyes.

"Take me to your room," she said.

The human in him panicked slightly. Did she want him to mate with her? Is that what she wanted? He didn't know the first thing about pleasing a woman in bed. She might despise him for it.

She sensed his hesitation and took his hand. "We'll learn from each other. Okay?"

Spock could not take his eyes from hers. "Yes. But–"

She shushed him with her finger, then leaned in and kissed him gently. "_Katelau k'mig, ashaya_," she whispered.

"_Ha_, _ashaya_…" Spock murmured in return. For the second time that day, they embraced as if they would never be parted, as if there was no T'Pring or academy rules or fear or insecurity. For the second time that day, he kissed her back as he pulled her against him.

This time, however, he would not push her away.

_A/N: Katelau k/mig, ashaya=Mate with me, my love_

_Ha, ashaya=Yes, my love_

_*I may have confused a word or two, as I had trouble finding "my" and "me". I used the Vulcan Language Dictionary. Thank you so much for all of your reviews, I love reading them. I am trying hard not to disappoint anybody! Spock is sooo hard to write! _


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Nyota lay across Spock's bed with her eyes closed, and one arm hanging over the side as he traced the outline of her damp, naked back with his fingers. He was surprisingly human in matters of intimacy; she could hardly believe how accommodating he'd been. He was so worried about hurting her that he'd held still after going inside of her, his eyes intent on her face. In all honesty, she was trying hard to adjust to the size of him; it _was_ hurting, but not enough to make her want to stop.

"You know you can move. I-I'm alright," she'd whispered.

"Are you certain?"

"Yes. I'm alright." To prove it, she wrapped her arms around him, kissing him fiercely as she pulled him down on top of her.

Now _she_ could barely move save the involuntary throbbing between her legs. Still, she had loved it, every second. Sex with a Vulcan. That was something worth writing home about…

"Spock?" she mumbled. His fingers against her was putting her to sleep, and the rain had long since stopped.

"Yes?"

"How did you do that thing, where you showed me what you were thinking?"

He paused, and for a moment, she was afraid she'd said something wrong. But then his fingers returned to her, continuing the calming circular patterns over her skin. "It is called the Mind Meld…a transfer of thoughts from one to another. Forgive me, I should have sought your consent before I did so–"

"Why are you apologizing? I'm glad you showed me. It made me so happy, seeing all the feelings that you kept from me," Nyota said with a yawn.

"You should know that now, our minds are linked. You and I will be forever connected. The bond between us can never be severed," Spock said softly.

Nyota, now fully alert, rolled over to face him. "What about T'Pring? Will she know that we're bonded?" she whispered.

"I cannot be bonded to another in such a way. She will certainly find out."

"Won't she be angry?"

"I do not know." Spock's voice was gentle as he reached for her, touching her cheek softly. The gesture of affection was welcoming, and something Nyota doubted he would ever do in front of others.

She leaned closer to him. "I don't want you to forget about me," she said, pressing her forehead to his. His hands slipped down over her hips, pulling her body against his. She drew in a deep breath as she felt him, solid and thick, pressing against her upper thigh.

"I am part of you wherever you go. We are part of each other," Spock said. "How could I forget the one who first showed me…how to…what it means to…"

He could not say the human words, but it was okay. Nyota knew what he meant, so she kissed him, hard. He didn't have to say a damn thing. The feeling of his lips against hers raced through her body like wild fire. She wanted him again. Quickly, she moved on top of him.

It had started to rain again.

They didn't notice.

"Incoming message for Professor Spock. Please specify whether you would like to Accept or Ignore your message."

Nyota's eyes flew open at the familiar sound of the teleprompter's computerized female voice. With a start, she sat up. She was still in Spock's bed, but he was not.

"Spock?" she called uncertainly.

He emerged from the bathroom, already dressed in his Starfleet teaching uniform. He looked slightly puzzled as he stared at the intercom, and then glanced at Nyota.

"I usually do not receive calls at this hour. It may be someone from the Academy. It would be unwise for you to be seen in my personal chambers undressed."

Blast, it was back to business as usual. She would have loved his hands on her again…not to mention other parts. Instead, she pulled a sheet around her body and went quickly to the bathroom, giggling as she did.

After closing the door, she scrambled to put her clothes on. She _did_ have class in another hour; it wasn't like she could just sit around, especially since all of her things were back in her room.

"My son."

Nyota stopped dead in her tracks. Spock's father? What could he possibly want?

He spoke in Vulcan, his voice deep and commanding respect, even though Nyota could not see his face. She didn't know if it was a good thing or not that she knew the language as well as her native tongue. She leaned against the door, curious beyond words. Spock had told her that he and his father's relationship had been strained since turning down the Vulcan Science Academy.

"Good morning, Father. Are you and mother well?" Spock replied in Vulcan. Nyota smiled, thinking how sexy he sounded. She always loved hearing him speak in his language.

"We are very well, thank you. Yourself?"

"Very well."

"That is good to hear. Are you in route to your classes?"

"I am, but of course I will hear the reason for you call. I am pleased to speak with you."

There was a tone in his voice she had not heard before; it made her uneasy, and something she could not identify pecked at her heart.

"I will be brief. Spock, I have news concerning T'Pring. She would like to move forward with the formal marriage ceremony. Her parents have informed us that she is considering relocating to Earth."

At the sound of these words, Nyota gasped.

"What was that sound?"

Oh, damn, those bionic Vulcan ears! She slapped her hands over her mouth as her heart thudded in her chest.

"I hear nothing. Please continue, Father," Spock replied coolly. He was concealing her presence. Nyota swallowed, and put her now trembling hand against the wood panel, more or less to stop the sudden spinning in the room. She didn't want to hear more, yet she wanted to hear everything.

"Naturally, when a Vulcan chooses to leave their home planet, it causes, ah, shall I say…discomfort among the Elders. We try very hard to preserve the Vulcan race. T'Pring may be considering her move for your sake."

"I see," Spock replied.

His father went on. "You realize that her move would take the only children of two very distinguished members of Vulcan society off planet. Spock, she wishes to speak privately with you. I gave her your extension, so please be ready to accept her call this evening. Of course, your mother and I will do all we can to assist with the wedding formalities. But I ask that you make it perfectly clear to T'Pring that you will be returning to Vulcan to live your life as a married man, as you informed me you would do. There are positions awaiting you both upon your relocation home, so do not let the lack of employment concern you. Also I should like to be closer to any grandchildren that may be in the future."

Now, she _was_ done; Nyota couldn't listen to anymore. She heard Spock utter a response as she pulled her track pants on, her eyes spilling over with tears. She wanted to splash her face with water, but she didn't dare turn on the faucet. If Spock's father had heard her gasp, he would certainly hear the sound of water coming out of a tap. Who knows what would happen if his father realized he'd been overheard, and by another woman?

_You asked for this. He told you he was getting married. You let him have you anyway. _

There was a knock on the bathroom door. Nyota quickly wiped her eyes, then grabbed the handle and yanked it open.

"I'm finished in here. I'll see you. I've got class soon, so…" Nyota said, rushing by Spock and going to the front of the apartment to put on her shoes. She just wanted to get out of here as fast as she could; she could _not_ let Spock see her cry.

He followed quickly behind her. "You no doubt heard the conversation between my father and I–"

"The bathroom door isn't made out of concrete," she said curtly, bending to adjust the zipper of her boot.

"My father is very direct in his plans for me. I apologize for his abrupt manner. I was not anticipating his call, nor was I anticipating a wedding ceremony so soon."

"It doesn't matter when the wedding is, Spock," Nyota said. She stood up and found Spock staring at her. He was unsure how to handle the situation, she knew. He knew she was upset but was unaccustomed to handling the complexity of a human female's feelings. These thoughts poured easily into her. He had been right about the mind meld connecting them. She had been able to read him before, a little, but now it was a lot easier. Only, what was the point of all that now? Especially after hearing Spock's own father sing such high praises about T'Pring?

"I've gotta go," she said sadly, and made a move to open the door.

"I will walk you back to your room," Spock said.

"You don't have to. I'm going to take the campus shuttle back," she said.

He reached for her, but she stepped out of his path. "Please don't," she said softly.

"I am willing to discuss what you overheard, Nyota. I would very much like to be on familiar terms with your feelings on the matter."

"I made the choice to be with you last night. You didn't do anything wrong. My feelings for you haven't changed, but you have a future with T'Pring, not me. I have to accept that. You'll make this a lot easier if you just…let me go," she said, swallowing the lump in her throat.

"I am not in complete understanding of your choice of words."

She was making it easier on her, on them both, really, and he didn't get it. She was going to make this the last time she would see him alone. She would rather do it this way, just quietly remove herself from his life. She didn't even want to know when he would be leaving for Vulcan, or what T'Pring wanted when she called him. She wasn't going to ask him.

She was going to miss him, so much.

"Show interest in her. Ask her about her day. Women like it when men pay attention to the little things. Even Vulcan women, I'm sure. That's my advice," Nyota said.

'Nyota–"

"I'm going to be late, Spock," she interrupted. And before he could say another word, she opened his door and hurried out.

If he had been human, perhaps he would have followed after her, demanding an explanation or a resolution, or maybe professing his love for her again, but he wasn't human. He was Vulcan. Though in her heart, she longed for him to follow her out, to pull her back and tell he couldn't live without her, he would do no such thing.

She had class in twenty minutes. If she hurried, she would only miss the first ten.

Nyota allowed the recorder on her PADD to tape the final lesson of her Advanced Physics class so she could wallow in her misery. She would just take notes and prepare for her final after she'd drunk herself into a stupor and cried her eyes out.

She dragged herself from her seat when class was over, and walked slowly towards the door, making absolutely meaningless conversation with the other cadets discussing the final. Everything went in one ear and out the other.

"Uhura, just the girl I was looking for. I need your notes from class. I didn't make it today," Cadet Kirk said cheerfully as he sauntered up to her, confident and nonchalant as usual.

"I didn't copy them myself. I just recorded the lesson. I'll have to rewrite the notes this weekend," she said blankly. It was as if she couldn't focus on anything. She'd been trying all morning long to push Spock out of her mind, but all morning long, he'd refused to stop haunting her. All she wanted to do was go to her room and sleep for a thousand years. Maybe longer.

Kirk noticed she wasn't being herself, as stupid was one thing he wasn't. "What's the matter with you? Why aren't you telling me what a lazy, self absorbed ass I am? Or rolling your eyes and going the other way with the usual 'Drop dead, Jim?'"

Nyota couldn't help smiling, just a little. "I have _never_ told you to drop dead. I'm not that mean to you."

"But you admit that you do treat me like shit," Jim said with a grin.

"Sometimes, yes. It's fun." The innocent flirting felt like a pick me up on her crushed heart. She'd take it. Anything to pull her out of her current state.

"Well, that's a shame, Uhura," Jim said, stepping closer to her and running a hand down her arm, "because I'm crazy about you."

"You just _think_ you are because I'm the one girl you can't have at Starfleet," Nyota reminded him, and removed his hand from her arm.

"Can't I?"

"Jim. I am _so_ over your begging and pleading–" she started, but stopped short as she saw Spock walking down the hallway on the way to his ten o'clock class. They caught eyes, and Nyota was seized by a fit of vengeance for reasons she couldn't explain.

"Listen, give me your email and I'll forward you my notes once I rewrite them. It would be kind of sad to watch you flunk out of Starfleet, and all just because you can't keep 'it' in your pants long enough to spend an hour in class," Nyota said, digging in her bag for her Palm Pilot. She held it out to Jim, feeling Spock's eyes on her. Jim took her Palm Pilot, intentionally letting his fingers brush against hers as he did.

"You never quit, do you?" she asked, shaking her head.

"I don't believe in no win situations," he replied.

Nyota rolled her eyes, then casually looked over her shoulder to see if Spock had seen the interaction, but the hallway was now almost empty; Spock had no doubt gone into his classroom to prepare for his lecture. No matter, she knew he'd seen her flirting and knew also that somewhere deep down in his Vulcan heart, he was jealous. The idea of it was good enough for her.

Jim returned the little computer to Nyota. "Thanks. I knew I could count on you," he said, and winked at her.

"Whatever. Just make sure you show up for the final," she said, shaking her head.

"You bet. I'll sit right next to you," he said.

She started walking away. "Don't count on it," she called over her shoulder.

After rushing through some lunch in the dining hall, Nyota spent the rest of her day studying. She threw herself so deeply into her studies that, when looking up from her study cubicle in the library, she was surprised to see that the street lights had come on. It was past time for her to go home. She was exhausted. She packed up her bag with a heavy heart. There was no avoiding her feelings now.

Gaila was waiting for her, looking excited as a child on Christmas morning.

"Where in the name of Orion have you been? And don't you dare tell me the library!"

Nyota paused. Spock was the last thing she wanted to talk about. In truth, she just craved a hot shower and her bed. "You know finals are in a week. I've been studying like crazy," she answered.

Gaila looked disappointed. "Damn. I was getting ready to put my feet up and listen to some juicy details."

"Maybe in the next century. I don't think I'll be having any luck this go round," Nyota said sadly.

"Have you given up on Spock? I think it will work out if you just keep trying to break him down."

Break him down. He'd broken her down, and broken her heart. She fought against tears as she pulled off her shirt. "Spock is a lost cause. Besides, I found out he's engaged."

Her heart burned, reminding her of the bitter truth yet again.

"Engaged? Really? To who?"

"She's from his home planet. Another Vulcan." She grabbed a towel and her bathrobe. "I'm exhausted. I'm going to take a shower and go to sleep."

"Okay. I still have a little studying to do myself. I'll go into the front room," Gaila said.

"Thanks."

And under the streaming, warm water, Nyota allowed herself to feel, all of it, everything. She knew there wouldn't be a lot of time to be with him, but she'd been hoping for at least a month, a few weeks to spend with him. For her to fall in love with him, for him to be her first, and she, his, and to have all of it come crashing to a halt the very next morning was beyond fucked up. It was pure torture. She leaned her head against her arm, and fought a sob so Gaila wouldn't hear her. She wanted to be with Spock so badly right now she could almost taste it. She wanted to feel his arms around her, and hear his words in her ear.

She wouldn't be able to do any of those things. All she had now were memories.

"Why did I ever have to meet him?" she whispered to herself.

Would she have done it all over again, knowing that it was going to end with T'Pring moving to Earth to start a family with him? Would she have done it, knowing in the end, all she'd have were her tears?

She would have. Of course she would have. Love took no prisoners.

_N/A: Now, what is Spock going to do with two lovely ladies? Should he choose love…or duty? And you don't think Jim's just going to settle for getting an email from Nyota, do you? Hmmm…I see drama ahead… _


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Nyota studied furiously all weekend long, even staying up until the early morning on Monday so she could cram in the last details of information for her Molecular Physics exam. She was confident all during the test, with just one question giving her trouble, but only for a few minutes once she'd realized that her teacher had chosen material from one of the footnotes of the textbook –a footnote which she'd reviewed thoroughly.

_Gotcha_, she thought with a smile as she got to working the question out.

She left the exam room feeling exhausted, but satisfied that she'd made close to 100%. And, best news of all, Molecular Physics was done for hopefully the last time of her life.

Nyota went straight back to her room and passed out on her unmade bed. She didn't even bother to take her shoes off.

She dreamed about Spock. In her dream, she was walking behind him on a crowded street, calling his name, but he wouldn't turn around. She kept reaching out, trying to grab him by the shoulder, but other people kept getting in the way. "Spock!" she kept screaming.

_Too many people…too many obstacles…Spock…why don't you answer, damn you…._

Nyota's eyes fluttered open; she blinked several times, realizing that she was clutching her sheets tightly. She squinted at the clock mounted across the untidy bedroom and was shocked to see it was almost eight o'clock. She'd been asleep almost eleven hours! She rubbed her eyes, feeling slightly out of sorts.

She needed to take a shower. That would clear her head, or so she hoped. She grabbed a bathrobe and some clean under clothes and headed towards the bathroom. There was a handwritten note from Gaila tacked to the memo board in the hall, saying she was going to a study group and she'd made some turkey pasta, which was one of Nyota's favorites. Gaila was an extraordinary cook of Earth foods. Nyota was glad that there was something to eat, as she really didn't want to leave her room again. She just wanted to brood and be alone.

After her shower, she slipped into her pajamas, a camisole and some shorts, and removed the towel from her hair. Her curls fell down over her shoulders, and as she smoothed them with leave in conditioner, she drifted back into her memory of Thursday night, when she'd first gone to Spock's apartment to escape the rain. He'd liked her naturally curly hair. He'd referred to it as "physically appealing". A faint smile played across her lips as she remembered more– the mind meld, the kissing, the feel of his body on top of hers, of him being inside of her.

She wasn't as strong as she'd made herself out to be.

A tear rolled down her nose and splattered against her study table. More followed. She'd _wanted_ to make love to him, and she'd thought she would be able to handle the reality of him being with someone else, but now she was alone, missing him, while he was probably making marriage plans right this minute with T'Pring. She was jealous and hurt. She also felt a little silly and naïve. Maybe she would have been able to walk away if she'd had a normal teenage life, one that included boyfriends, instead of protecting herself in between the pages of books all the time.

She wiped her tears angrily. It wasn't fair that she only had one night with him. It wasn't fair that his father had to go and ruin everything the next morning. She let out a weary sigh, and it was then that she noticed the blinking light on the bedroom teleprompter, indicating a message.

_Maybe it was Spock_, she thought hopefully. "Computer, play messages for Nyota."

Jim's face immediately popped up onto her screen, grinning and shaking his head. "Uhura, what's up? I know you've been running away from me since the day we met, but I am really disappointed you'd promise me class notes and not follow through. Hit me back, or next time, I'll show up at your door. Don't forget, I know where you live."

Nyota groaned. She'd been so absorbed in studying for her first exam that she'd forgotten to email Jim the notes from Friday's class.

"Computer, connect me to James Kirk," she said.

Nyota waited patiently for the computer to finalize her request. She didn't expect Jim to be in his room; she was just going to leave a message apologizing and let him know that she was emailing the notes as soon as she typed them up.

To her surprise, however, Jim answered his teleprompter's call after a few moments.

"Good evening, Cadet 'Let Me Down'!"

"I'm so sorry, Jim. I've been studying all weekend. I'm going to go and type up the notes right now, and then I'll email them to you."

"That's what you said Friday."

"I know, but I mean it this time. I'm really sorry." She frowned for a second before adding, "I somehow doubt that I'm the only one you can depend on for notes, so don't try to guilt trip me. I am talking to the guy who was giving away finals in exchange for sex."

"You've got no proof that I got some ass for an exam. Who told you that, Gaila?"

Nyota shook her head. "I heard it from various people. _Various_. Anyway, I'll get those notes to you as soon as I can. Definitely before midnight."

"There's just one problem."

"What? Your email isn't working?"

"No. I didn't give you my email. I gave you the directions to my room so you would deliver those notes to me in person. I've got to get you alone somehow, Cadet," Jim quipped.

"Jim, give me your email and stop playing around! I don't have time to play these games! Either you want my help or you don't!" she said, losing her temper a little.

"I'm coming over. I'm bored out of my mind and I know Gaila isn't there because I saw her sucking face with the guy next door about twenty minutes ago."

"No! You can't come over here! I'm in my pajamas!" Nyota said, her voice raising an octave.

"So what? I don't care," he said.

"Forget it. Get your own notes, leave me alone," she snapped and reached out to cut the line when he yelled out.

"Hey, wait a minute! I'm sorry, okay? Honestly, I need your help because you've got the highest grade in the class. I do need to study, so I would appreciate it if you could get me those notes."

"I haven't written them yet and you're holding me up," Nyota said through gritted teeth.

"So let me come over and hang out with you while you write them. Do you really think I'd try something on you? I know you're not that kind of girl. My good looks and charm have no affect on you. I'm aware of that. I'll just watch TV or something. No big deal."

Nyota rubbed her temples, hardly believing herself when she said, "Fine. Come over, but if you try any funny business, I'm going to get you with an assault charge. After I kick your ass."

Jim grinned. "See you soon."

Nyota hurried to open the door after she'd heard a knock that only Jim would give a door.

"We're not going to the bedroom, so don't even ask. Just the thought of what you and Gaila did in there makes me want to vomit–"

"Actually, we've done it in every room here, almost. My hormones are all over this place," Jim said with a chuckle.

Nyota glared at him, and was too disgusted to reply so she rolled her eyes instead and went and sat down at the little table she'd moved to the front of the small living area. Her PADD had already transferred the taped recording into words and downloaded them to her computer. She started cutting and pasting the most important details and entering them into the email for Jim.

"Are you going to have your nose stuck in that thing the whole time I'm here?"

"Yes. You want me to get done, don't you? You only have four days to study," she said, typing furiously.

"Study, schmudy. I'll knock it out Thursday night," he said, plopping down onto the couch and turning on the TV.

And to her surprise, Jim actually watched TV quietly while she finished. She smirked; he was clearly more concerned about the final than he let on. In fact, there was probably a lot about him that he covered with sarcasm and a blasé attitude.

Thirty minutes later, Nyota was able to click the Send button on the email to Kirk. "I'm done. Thanks for letting me concentrate," she said, closing her PADD with a snap. She turned in her seat and found him staring at her.

"I really appreciate it," he said.

"You're welcome. Try not to skip any more classes. It's such an insult to everyone who ended up on the waiting list to get into Starfleet."

"I can't help it I was handpicked," Jim said casually, giving her a sly smile.

"More like the Admissions team knew all about your father," Nyota said.

Jim stopped mid stretch, a strange look flashing across his face.

Oops.

"Sorry," Nyota said, feeling her face get hot. "I didn't mean to be disrespectful. I shouldn't have said that."

"I didn't know you knew about him," Jim said.

Oh, damn her big mouth. She started rambling to cover up the awkwardness of the moment. "Well, yes, of course, he's renowned in Starfleet. Anyone who knows the history of the USS Enterprise knows about your father. He was a hero."

Jim leaned back into the couch, saying nothing. Nyota looked down at her fingers, wanting to melt down into the floor.

"I keep hearing that from people. I would have liked to have known it for myself," he said, tossing a pillow up towards the ceiling repeatedly.

"Of course you would have. And I'm very sorry you didn't know him. I know you get into trouble a lot, but I'm sure he would have been so proud of you for coming here. You're more than capable of greatness. You take risks and you don't care what others think of you. Who knows, maybe you'll be Captain yourself one day."

"You think?"

"Sure, if that's what you want. If you make Captain, don't forget to appoint me as your Communications officer," Nyota said, winking. Maybe the awkwardness had passed.

"So, what else do you know about me that you've been keeping to yourself?"

"Nothing else! I only found out about your dad because I've wanted to be assigned to the Enterprise since I first heard it was being built. I read Captain Pike's dissertation. Everything was in there about that day. I never repeated it to anyone, or gossiped about you to anyone–"

Jim burst out laughing. "Calm down, I'm not accusing you of anything. It's no secret my father died saving everyone's life on the day I was born. You're right, I probably wouldn't be here if I wasn't his son. I've gotten into a lot of bullshit, but what do you expect from someone who raised himself? I don't think I turned out that bad."

"You turned out fine. A little lazy at times, and arrogant, but you're brilliant. I'd really have some competition for Valedictorian if you were in my year and took yourself seriously."

"Ahh, there they are, the insults. I knew you couldn't go the whole night without one or two," he said.

Nyota smiled. "It's not an insult. You _should_ take your class work more seriously. That's just an inconvenient truth, my friend."

Jim paused. "Hey, Uhura, since we're getting all close and personal…"

Oh, well, here it came, the pickup line. "We're doing no such thing–"

"…I was wondering if you are ever planning on telling me your first name," Jim said. He scooted over closer to her, reaching out and brushing some of her hair over her shoulder.

She watched him do this, noticing that he was being very serious, the most serious he'd ever been, except for a few minutes ago when she'd brought up his father. She couldn't cut him down when he was showing her his vulnerable side. They had justifiably strengthened their friendship.

She sighed, smiling a little. "It's Nyota," she said.

"Nyota. That's a very exotic name. What does it mean?" he asked her, his eyes lowering to her lips.

"It means 'star'."

"A star, huh? A star to light the way," he said softly.

She let out a small laugh. "Light the way to where?"

"My heart," he said softly.

"Kirk-"

"No, listen. I really like you, Nyota. A lot."

Spock suddenly flashed across her mind, causing her heart to skip a beat as usual. Still, there was no reason to lie, not to her friend. "I like you, too, Jim," she said.

"Then why can't I have you?"

Have you, not "When can we be together?" or "Why won't you be my girlfriend?" Jim didn't want a girlfriend, not seriously. He wanted to conquer, he wanted to own. Realizing this made it easier for her to tell him the absolute truth.

"Because I love someone else," she said. And her thoughts drifted to him, the one who would always have _her_ heart. Forever.

Jim made a face. "Who are you talking about?"

"I'm not telling you!" Nyota said, blushing.

Jim narrowed his eyes at her. "_Tell_ me it's not that pointy eared bastard with the PADD up his ass," he said.

"Professor Spock? N-No, of course not!" Damn, Jim was good. How in hell had he picked up on Spock?

Jim jumped up, his hands flailing in exasperation. "What the fuck, Nyota. Professor Spock? Mr. Dickhead himself? That prude, that freak? Why him?"

Nyota jumped to her feet as well. "He's not a freak!"

"Jesus Christ, I can't believe this. I mean, I'd never have believed that the hottest girl at Starfleet would want a Vulcan over me. I've never been so insulted in my whole life, except when Dr. Jericho tried to suspend me last term for calling him a twat."

Nyota said nothing, as she was suddenly seized by the thought of everything that had happened between Spock and herself. If it had been Spock sitting on her couch right now, she would be all over him. She missed him, and it hurt. She shouldn't be arguing with Jim, she should be kissing the man she loved, holding him close to her. She wanted to cry, but didn't dare, not in front of Jim.

"Have you been seeing him?" Jim pressed her.

"No, of course not. I'm not unethical," she lied.

"Does he know how you feel?"

"Jim, please stop asking questions! It's no big deal–"

"The way you jumped to his defense was a big deal! You're never that riled up unless it's because of something I've said or done! I'm fucking jealous as hell!"

"Would you stop shouting? And what do you mean, you're jealous? Come on, you can have any girl on campus you want. Choose one of them and make yourself content."

"I want _you_, Nyota."

"Jim–"

She was interrupted when he suddenly grabbed her about her waist and kissed her hard on the mouth.

Nyota screamed against his kiss, digging her fingers into his shirt to twist out of his embrace. Finally, she pulled free. "Bastard!" she swore, and shoved him away as hard as she could. "How dare you! Get the hell out!"

He was grinning now, playfully ducking out of her way as she tried unsuccessfully to pummel him. "I couldn't resist, I've wanted to do that for months. I'm not giving up on you, whether you want that green tinged mechanical robot or not. See you in class!"

He left her standing there, heaving and furious, as he sauntered cheerfully out the front door.

She let out an enraged squeal, and stormed back to her room.

"Incoming message for Cadet Uhura. Do you wish to Accept or Ignore?"

"Accept," she said grumpily.

Spock came onto her screen, and her rage disappeared as her heart swooned in her chest. "Spock?" she said, breathless.

"I apologize for the late call, Nyota. I hope this is not a bad time," he said.

"No, not at all. What is it? What's wrong?"

Spock paused before he said, "I wished to be the one to tell you that T'Pring is coming to Earth to visit. She will arrive next week and stay for four days. She would like somewhat of a tour of Starfleet and San Francisco. As you can imagine, it would be indecorous for me to ask someone else to comply to the task."

Nyota's heart sank just as rapidly as it had risen in her chest. "I understand. You just want me to know in case I see you with her."

"I apologize for being the bearer of this news. I am aware that this may cause you distress. I am willing to do anything to help ease your discomfort."

Nyota shook her head. "There's nothing you can do. You're going to be with her, and I accept that. I have to."

Spock's lowered his eyes, his voice becoming soft. "I have thought of you often, Nyota. I am having difficulty putting from my mind the scent of your skin…the feel of you near me. I understand your schedule must be busy with your finals, and I am hardly believing myself to vocalize my desire to be with you, but–"

"I'm not busy. My roommate's not here. I don't know when she'll be back, but knowing her, she'll be gone until the morning. Or…or maybe I could come over," Nyota said. She couldn't turn him down, no matter the promises she'd made to herself. She'd let him use her up, if that's what he wanted.

"I should not do this. It is…unjust behavior on my part. Forgive me, Nyota. I wish you good night. I will see you in class tomorrow," he said.

Her connection went silent.

Nyota stared at the black screen for a few more minutes, and then pressed the button to her own connection off. She got in her bed, pulled the sheet up around her chin, and lay there for a long time listening to all the night sounds of San Francisco until she drifted off to sleep.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

For the next week, Nyota could not get a proper night's rest to save her life. Class with Spock had been tortuous enough, but as she was so used to putting nothing before her studies, she was able to concentrate during class sessions. Then came the dreaded day when she knew that Spock's future wife was here, on Earth, with him. That was her worst night. She tossed and turned, images of Spock and T'Pring spending time together attacking her thoughts moment after moment. She could just see it, Spock showing her around, making sure she was comfortable, giving her attention that Nyota wanted for herself, discussing their marriage plans. And just where was T'Pring staying? With Spock? He certainly had enough room. If T'Pring was staying in a hotel, it was only common courtesy for Spock to drop her off. Would he kiss her goodnight? Would he mind meld with her? Would she invite him in? Was it customary for Vulcans to consummate a marriage before the actual event took place?

Nyota didn't know. She didn't know anything about what Spock was doing because she had not talked to him except for the brief phone call last week. She hadn't seen him outside of class, and the sad thing was, she was going to have to get used to it. Spock's father wanted him on Vulcan, and Spock seemed so eager to respect his father's wishes. Nyota had no place on Vulcan, and she was human. Soon, he would probably leave for good, and she'd never see him again.

_It wasn't like he didn't tell me. It wasn't like he didn't try to stop me, _she told herself for the millionth time. _You were the one who insisted. _You_ were._

Nyota felt miserable, and that wasn't a good thing as she still had four finals before it was all over with and assignments were posted. Only the top graduates stood a chance for Enterprise, and if she didn't get herself together, she wasn't going to stand that chance.

She shed only a few tears in the shower as she got ready for her day. She'd been doing so much of that lately, and the worst part was hiding it from everyone. She couldn't talk to anyone about what was going on, not even Gaila. If anyone got wind that she'd actually _slept_ with a Professor that she was taking classes from, well, that'd be the end of both their careers. She'd been halfway lucky as far as her roommate was concerned, because Gaila was studying like mad as well, and unlike Nyota, Gaila's preference was the campus library instead of the room. At least Nyota had the opportunity to cry in peace.

She put on her uniform slowly, feeling like she was in slow motion, then picked up her PADD carrying case with a sigh and dragged herself to her last official class with Spock before her final exam. She deliberately dawdled on her way, making sure she would not be the first one there, as usual.

Nyota kept her head down as she entered the classroom and went up the first few rows of the auditorium created classroom to find a seat close to the back. As she plopped down in the cushioned chair and flipped her desk top up and around the front of the seat, she let out another sigh, knowing it was no longer possible to avoid looking towards the front room, where Spock would be as he always was, waiting for class to begin.

But wait, something wasn't right with this picture.

Nyota suddenly sat up straight, her eyes positively glued to the scene before her. To her absolute horror, Spock was not alone in his usual spot behind his desk. A woman was sitting in his chair, and Spock was talking to her, leaning over her, showing her something on his PADD!

It was T'Pring; it had to be. And she was beautiful. Nyota's eyes blurred with tears she could not control, not this time as she studied the long, chestnut colored hair of Spock's fiancé, elaborately pinned into place. She was a slightly darker olive than Spock, but her skin appeared equally flawless. Her cheekbones were high and she was poised, even sitting.

Nyota felt a tightening in her chest, almost as if she was having a heart attack; she had to gasp for air. This _couldn't_ be happening, this wasn't real, she wasn't seeing this…

Spock turned at that exact moment, his hand abruptly going to his chest. He turned to look at the class; it took less than two seconds for his eyes to focus in on hers. It was the final straw for Nyota. She had to get out of here, now.

She jumped from her seat, and began making her way back to the center aisle towards her escape from torture. "Excuse me…_excuse_ _me_…" she whispered forcefully as she maneuvered down the tight walkway past her classmates as fast as she could. The carrying case for her PADD banged rudely against the backs of her legs, the straps getting tangled on the chairs as if attempting to hold her back. She yanked hard; the strap snapped off. Her PADD case dropped to the floor with a crash, and her stylus rolled out, along with one of her zip drives.

"Shit!" she cried. She grabbed her PADD and left the case tangled on the seat, ignoring the curious eyes that were on her.

"Good morning, Cadets," she heard. Double shit, he was starting class! "If you will take out your PADDs, and open the Study Guide file, we can begin our final review for your examination. I have made some adjustments, as I received word that a copy of the exam was being distributed among fourth years."

Nyota practically ran down the steps, and pushed the door open, letting it slam closed in her haste to get away from that room as soon as possible. Clutching her PADD against her chest, she raced towards the nearest Ladies Room.

The bathroom was empty, which meant there was a corner stall available. Nyota threw herself into it, locking the small door behind her, and sank to the floor, where she leaned her head against her knees, and wept.

Someone was knocking on the door. Nyota was rudely interrupted from her state of depressed, fitful sleep. She held her breath, waiting for the knocking to stop. When it didn't, she cursed.

"Gaila? Could you get that please?" she called out. Nyota had been in the bed all day and had planned on staying there until the morning.

As she sat up in bed, she saw that the small living quarters the girls shared was dark. Gaila didn't answer her, which meant she wasn't home.

Nyota scowled as she pushed back her sheets and grabbed a long robe to put on over her oversized tee shirt.

It had to be Jim, damn him. He'd really been hounding her ever since that stupid kiss…

But when she opened the door, it wasn't Jim standing there, it was Spock.

She gasped, feeling a range of emotions at once, some she was sure there was no name for. She absentmindedly ran a hand over her face; she must have looked awful. Crazy, even.

"May I come in?" Spock asked her.

"Yes," she said, stepping aside. She closed the door behind him, feeling dizzy. Then it hit her, why he had come. Of course, he was here to reprimand her privately for ditching class. She started to ramble. "I know what I did today, leaving like that, it wasn't…I mean, I just felt a little sick…I'm not worried about the final. I can get the notes from someone, and I'm going to study all day tomorrow. I–"

"I did not come to discuss your departure from class today. Though I did return to you the items you dropped on your way out," Spock said, handing over her carrying case, stylus and zip drive.

She felt like an idiot. "Thank you," she said quietly, taking her things. She put the carrying case down and turned to drop the stylus and zip drive into a bowl on the little table next to her. She straightened up, taking a deep breath to calm herself down. She had to get it together. He wasn't going to do this, make her lose her mind.

Spock said nothing, but stepped closer to her, and took her by surprise when he grabbed her hand, his eyes intent upon her. She could feel herself trembling all over as she looked up at him.

"What have you done to me?" he whispered, his eyes burning into her.

Nyota shook her head. "What have _I_ done? I'm the one suffering. I'm the one who can't even look at you with her. I'm the one crying myself to sleep at night. You're the one getting married to someone else–"

Spock suddenly pulled her against him in a crushing embrace, his arms so powerful around her that she could barely breathe. She was so desperate for this, for him to do this, and ached to cling to him, to never have to let go. Yet she had to. He was not hers.

"Please, don't," she begged, trying to back away, "…don't…I can't…it hurts too much…"

Spock held her tighter still. "Do not turn me away, Nyota. I will do anything you ask. But let me stay with you…I beg of you…" he gasped. He dropped to his knees before her, hugging her legs tightly, his face pressed against the material of her robe.

She didn't know what he was doing, what he was saying or why he was here when T'Pring would be on Earth for another three days, but in this moment, she didn't care. She too knelt down, straddling him, and covering his mouth with hers. She hoped he could feel that she was giving him all she had. She had felt dead until this moment, when she was wrapped around him.

His hands were already on her, and he yanked at her robe, nearly ripping it off. She moaned as she felt his warm hands sliding under her tee shirt, feeling her naked breasts. Everything was happening so fast, and she thought for a fleeting second how embarrassing it would be if Gaila were to walk in, but then Spock was touching her between her legs, peeling her underwear down, and she didn't give a damn about Gaila anymore, or the Starfleet rules or anything else except him, the two of them together. She pulled her tee shirt over her head, and stopped only for a second to strip herself from her panties. After she'd pushed them down her legs, she stood naked before her lover.

Spock stopped, breathing hard. She watched him as he too stood, then pulled his the shirt of his uniform over his head. He took his pants down and the under shorts he wore and then took a step towards her, putting his hands on her waist, pressing his fingers into her skin. He made her body feel as if it were on fire. He wanted to love her again; something was different about this time though.

"I cannot be without you," he said. "I am finished trying."

Nyota hurled herself at him, and he caught her, scooping her up, guiding her legs around his waist. He kissed her, passionately, and she felt if he didn't enter her soon, she would burst. She didn't need to vocalize her words; he knew. Holding her close, kissing her the entire time, he carried her to the back room, and lay her down on her bed.

"I love you," she whispered to him. He responded by pushing himself inside of her, all the way, making her gasp with both pleasure and pain.

"I need you," he breathed, his body hovering over hers for only a moment before he brought them together with another thrust that filled her completely. "I love you, Nyota…"

Her eyes drifted close as she lost herself again, but this time in a world with Spock instead of without.

Spock was as hot as fire, but Nyota endured his heat because she loved being so close to him, cuddled against his smooth, hard chest. Their intimate moments were the only time he was tender, and as close to being fully human as he would ever get, she supposed.

"I should not be here this late. We cannot risk being caught when your roommate returns," Spock said softly. Nyota tilted her head up and kissed him on the neck.

"You asked me to stay. So stay. If Gaila's not back by now, she's not coming back until the morning," she said.

Spock gently pulled away from her, making a move to get off of the bed. Nyota sat up, confused. "What are you doing, Spock?"

"We must not risk it," he repeated.

"So you're just going to leave?" she demanded. She was starting to get upset now; she would expect that Jim did this sort of thing to girls all the time, but Spock was not Jim, nowhere near.

"Correct. I am going to return to my place of residence–"

"Wait a minute, you told me–"

"–and you will come with me. We will not worry about being interrupted there. We have much to discuss, but we can do so after your exams. My quarters are in closer proximity to the library, and you will have to go there to download the study guide for my exam. I cannot allow you to bypass the final, no matter how devoted to you I am."

Nyota felt herself blush like mad, and could not control her smile. As she started to get dressed, she hated to ask, but had to.

"What happened to T'Pring? That was her in class today, wasn't it? Where is she?"

"On her way back to Vulcan, of course. She and I are in similar situations. We both wish to make our lifelong commitment to another. We parted ways amicably. She came more for our family's sake. She will tell her parents of her preferred choice upon her return to Vulcan. I have not yet determined when to tell my parents," Spock said, and then added, "Do not forget your zip drive, Nyota. It would also be in your best interest to bring the textbooks you need for your finals. What examination do you have tomorrow?"

"I don't have any tomorrow. I have one class at twelve. I'll study after that." Nyota rushed to gather everything she would need to spend the night with Spock, her mind in a feverish haze of love and lust. She was dancing on air.

"Is this a trick?" she asked him as she grabbed her keys from the counter.

"It is against Vulcan nature to 'trick'. I find the very idea nonsense," Spock said. He picked up her armload of books with no effort at all. "If anyone happens to notice us, it should appear we are working diligently on assignments."

"Why don't you leave first, and then I'll follow you after a few minutes?"

"I will escort you wherever you go. I will not leave you again. This is my promise to you. Perhaps I should add, the offer stands for as long as you chose me as a partner. If you should ever change your mind, then I–"

"I'll never. I don't want anyone else. Ever," Nyota interrupted him. Breaking it off once was enough.

"Then it is my duty to see to it that you are always safe. I will always be there to protect you. Nothing will keep me from being by your side," he said.

"Am I dreaming?" Nyota wondered aloud.

"I cannot answer that, as I do not dream. I apologize," Spock said. Together, they left her apartment.

"I love you," Nyota responded. He looked at her, and it was all there, in his eyes. It would be a rarity to hear those words, she knew. It certainly helped that with the two of them, words weren't necessary.

She had a lot of studying to do before the end of the week, as she'd only taken one of her six exams.

But there was time to do that. She had a few more make up sessions with Spock to attend to first.

_A/N: That's it for this one! I might do a sequel so we can see how Spock is going to tell his father about Nyota and yada yada yada, but…I haven't decided yet. We might just end it here. I'm working on some Harry Potter stuff now, so we'll get back to Star Trek soon. Thank you for reading/reviewing! I hoped you enjoyed it. _


End file.
